Venables meets Scientology: with PR like this, who needs enemies?


Jon Venables – the perfect recruit for Scientology. PR fail!

Ah, thank you Jon Venables. If there’s one thing you did good in your miserable, child-killing, child-porn-watching life it’s declare your interest in joining the ‘Church’ of Scientology.

Judging by this piece of newspaper bad news (just the kind of thing that ‘printing buddies’ John and Duncan would prefer to avoid) Venables is the perfect candidate for becoming a member of the cult. He’s got just about the right amount of mental health issues; clearly has a skeleton full of closets (?) and plenty of crimes to be audited and handled into the wee hours.  Throw in the UFO obsession and he’s the perfect new recruit.

But will Scientology accept him into its fold? That’s the question.

I for one can’t wait to see. I suspect it won’t be able to resist him for two reasons: firstly, because of all the juicy, flash-bulb-poppin’ publicity it will bring them. You can just see Tommy Davis in the glare of the camera lights, licking his lips with little beads of perspiration running down his forehead. Mmmm. Publicity. Gnnrrrrrrch-ghh-gg (Homer Simpson noise).

Secondly, because, deep down inside, Scientologists know that only they can cure him. Remember, Scientology has ‘an absolute monopoly on workable solutions’ for the world.

I can’t wait to see what happens.

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