Camelot Castle Hotel – Is the 5* review machine broken?

It’s been 3 days since Camelot Castle Hotel got a 5* TripAdvisor review

Queer, that. We’re not used to such gaps in the production of positive reviews designed to push the latest ‘horror’ review off the first page of TripAdvisor reviews.

Maybe, now that TripAdvisor is taking some notice of the unusual (to put it mildly) polarisation between ‘terrible’ and ‘excellent’ reviews and has deleted around 25 dodgy reviews in the last couple if weeks, it’s got harder to post fake reviews?

Or maybe John Mappin and Ted Stourton are preoccupied with more important – more pressing – matters?

Word on the street has it that the Xenu Trio were hard at work the other night in the gallery in Tintagel, changing out Ted’s humiliating “£40 the pair” paintings for something grander – presumably with a £1m price tag to prove how good they are. It’s heartwarming to know that our posts here are hitting the mark and creating a reaction.

Perhaps the Von Mapp family are also busy with other pressing (but doomed) endeavours – like how in the hell they’re REALLY going to make the new Plymouth Ideal Org work? Even as little as two years ago, they were probably able to convince Sci HQ that CCH was a workable template for a self-sustaining UK Ideal Org.

Expect a shipload of fresh, impressionable Poles arriving in Plymouth very soon. Irina and Marek will be very busy running between CCH and the Fleet Hotel and finally, Von Mapp’s Bentley will get to stretch it’s legs on the shuttle up and down between Tintagel and Plymouth.

If John and Ted find themselves under pressure to deliver the UK branch of their inter-galactic dream, it won’t be a surprise. Casting a business eye over the CCH outfit would suggest that the place is probably a hair’s breadth from collapse and facing a regional PR shit storm that is likely to (if it hasn’t already) tip the venture over the edge.

Add to that pressure the need to staff the Royal Fleet Hotel (which appears to be the same size – conveniently – as CCH) and you’ll see Camelot Castle Hotel quicken it’s slide into the giant sink hole of Scientology.

By all accounts, the Scientology shop in Ebrington St in Plymouth is a dark, empty dump that struggles to pull in staff let alone visitors. Scientologists clearly hope that the grandiosity of their purchase will change their fortunes and inspire people to flock to the cult.

In reality (a place Scientologists don’t much like) this decision certainly will change their fortunes – but not in the way they hope. It will quicken their slide to oblivion.

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